Me: Stop eating your poop! That's disgusting!
dog eating poop: munch munch, pause, look at me, look at poop, take one more bite, walk away.
Me: stop barking like an idiot!
dog barking like an idiot: pause, grumble, grumble, growl, BARK . . .
Me . . .Sto-ahahahahp it, stopitstopitstopit!!
dog: looking at me like I am the one barking like an idiot, lies down on ground, sighs, looks at me, BARK BARK BARK!
Me (as dog is flailing around on leash): would you cut it out? please. you're embarassing me. Stop fucking around.
Me (remembering this dog is deaf): giving the sign for "stop fucking around" over and over.
dog (doing some sort of lunatic dog yoga): acting crazy, brief pause, quick stop, into crazy eyes, back and forth, into grab the leash with your mouth and shake with the might of entire body, stop, sit down, lick butt. Repeat.
Me (at 4am): what do you want? don't you dare try to tell me you are hungry. I mean it--go back to sleep!
Me (again remember this dog is deaf): arrrgh! wah wah wah! stop licking me. Ouch! you just scratch off half my face!
Me (after 20-30 minutes of this): OK, fine, let's go get your breakfast.
Me (5 minutes later): I can't believe you are sleeping like a baby--but could you please get off me?
Me: stop smelling me.
dog: sniff sniff, pause, head cocked to one side, sniff.
Me: I love you guys. ya bunch of weirdos.
Edited to be in memory of Lowkey, Dr. Gym-Partner's Great Pyreneese, who died today. We'll miss you, big guy
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3 comments:
at the dog park today:
me: c'mon, let's play!
dogs looking up tree at squirrel: bark bark bark
me, 5 minutes later: let's play with some dogs! let's run!
dogs looking at squirrel: bark bark bark
dude at park: what's going on?
me: they saw a squirrel. 20 minutes ago. they're kind of anti-social and obsessive compulsive. (just like their moms)
Now that's more like it! OCD, anti-social, valentines day fun!
My cats don't eat poop (SO low class, they'd say), but otherwise these conversations sound very familiar...
and regrets to Dr. Gym-Partner! So sad when one of our furry friends leaves us.
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